Parental rejection is difficult for a child to understand and the effects of parents rejection can be long-term. Perhaps my story will help others to understand their own parent’s rejection.
My Story of Parental Rejection
As a child and young adult, I could never understand why my mother rejected and never showed her love towards me. She always seemed distant, callous and cold-hearted.
In the summer months, she locked us children out of the house until late afternoon. Her children were a bother to her.
Often, I acted in anger for her lack of protection and love. She stopped doing her job. I resented her actions or lack thereof, and a deep hatred for her grew in my heart.
I began using hatred as a coping mechanism to ease the pain of feeling unloved. It was easier to feel hatred as opposed to acknowledging the pain of rejection.
Parental Rejection Passed on to Children
At eighteen, I gave birth to my first child, Anthony, and her rejection passed onto him too.
I remember one day; we were both doing laundry on opposite sides of the Laundromat. Anthony was several months old and sitting in a stroller.
I went over to her and asked her; “don’t you even want to look at your grandson?”
My heart broke at her final act of rejection.
She never looked down at Anthony, not once did she acknowledge his presence. She never came to check on me. She never helped me, and now she rejected my son and her grandson.
Her rejection of him sealed my heart with hatred for her until the day she died. She had become a thorn in my heart. My mother was the one I could not forgive easily.
She was my mother.
Mom’s should love their children.
Mom’s should protect them from harm.
I loved her deep down inside. I desperately wanted a mother to love me. She never did. She was only capable of pushing love away from her.
Understanding Parental Rejection
My mother’s lack of love and rejection affected me greatly. All of my adult life, I searched in vain to find love and acceptance. I learned to build up hatred in my heart when hurt or rejected and push love away from me.
The problem was;
I didn’t know about her struggles in life.
I didn’t understand her pain and anguish until after her death. My mother kept her past a secret and never disclosed the contents of her heart.
My mother spent most her life “seemingly” pushing love away from her.
Today, I understand by the grace of God.
My mother didn’t reject me.
My mother was not capable of loving me.
God always loved, and never rejected or turned me away. God has always loved me and never forsaken me. His love has cleansed my heart of hatred and enabled me to forgive my mother and the wrongdoings of others.