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Memoir – Introduction

I was forty-six when God granted understanding for the cause of abuse and began the healing process. His grace enabled me to come to terms with the childhood abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and domestic violence endured for three and one-half years.

He shattered the emotional wall encompassing my heart into a million pieces. Allowing me to feel the pain, hurt, and anguish, and grieve the loss of my children.

Utterly heartbroken, I sat on the living room floor of a new apartment crying for over an hour. I cried until my heart was void of past affliction and barren of secrets.

After several months of self-reflection and writing, I began to understand how dysfunctional our family indeed was growing up. How this upbringing affected every area of my life up to this point.

This foundation influenced personal choices and decisions in adult life. 

It affected the mindset possessed about life, love, family, relationships, and sexual behavior, and became embedded in patterns of thinking and ways of being.

The dysfunctional patterns of thinking were impossible to recognize in the midst of life’s storms. The stormy seas were always shifting from turbulent to calm and back to violent again, and the waves struck hard.

I made unhealthy choices and suffered significant losses. Which caused a lot of pain, adversity, extreme anguish, and significant wounds. However, I always managed to survive the darkness and come back stronger than before.

Born into a cycle of dysfunction and suffering abuse. I came out a fighter who was strong like iron, and it was almost impossible to knock me down.

I wasn’t crazy.

I was the child, my parents, raised me to become and the patterns of thinking; ways of being and acting in life came from them.

The mindset of my parents, who perhaps were also raised in a dysfunctional manner, and the patterns of thinking; ways of being and acting were merely passed onto another generation.

These patterns are handed down from one generation to the next without a thought for a change in perception. Which is true for much of what we all learn.

There is little to no chance for the children who suffer from this cycle of dysfunction to renew their mind and cleans their heart and a slight chance for an abundant life.

The only way they stand a chance is for others to bringing these secrets out of the darkness into the light for all to see the truth of God, and His saving and transforming grace.

This is my story. – Out of a Secret Darkness

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