As flawed humans, we tend to avoid forgiveness and reconciliation like the plague. We are reluctant to forgive offenders of wrongdoing. And fearful to admit a bad mistake, poor decisions, and judgment.
Mainly when your choices cause others pain and anguish.
Their judgment can be harsh and opinions downright demoralizing. Their reaction can lower your spirits and leave you in a more downtrodden and oppressed state.
Like the plague, it’s easier to avoid forgiveness and reconciliation.
To forgo letting go of past hurts. And taking personal responsibility for your actions or any part you have played in offending others.
But, is it better for you in the long run?
No, it’s not better.
Related Post: Forgiveness: Let Go of Anger, Bitterness and Grudges
The Effects of Avoiding Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Avoiding forgiveness and reconciliation leaves room for the adversary, the devil or Satan to start spiritual warfare in your mind and heart. And his attacks will permeate your mind and spirit with overwhelming feelings of grief and sorrow, and thoughts of guilt and shame.
He will remind you of all the wrong things you did to others. Drive home the reasons for feeling guilty. And drag you down into the pit of personal shame.
The devil will make you believe you are not worthy of forgiveness. That reconciliation is not possible. And that is a BIG FAT LIE.
Avoiding Forgiveness and Reconciliation
I was a master at avoiding forgiveness and reconciliation for twenty-two years. Even though, on several occasions, God provided an opportunity for me to forgive and reconcile with my mother and daughter.
I remember visiting mom when my youngest was around eight years old. She welcomed us into her home and right away pointed to several pictures adorning her mantle. She began sharing her stories of who they were and where the photo was taken.
At the time, I didn’t understand that mom was “finally” opening up and showing us (me and my sister) a glimpse of her life. She had found peace with her past and happiness in her life. And wanted to share it with us.
Meanwhile, I was still stewing in the resentment of her past actions. I was livid; she failed to even acknowledge her last grandchild I had given her. I walked outside with a heart full of anger and bitterness and was unwilling to forgive and reconcile our differences.
Second Chance at Forgiveness and Reconciliation
God provided a way for me to seek forgiveness and reconcile with my daughter too. Not once, but twice. The first time I was living in the darkness of sin. Although twenty-plus years passed by, I still lived in fear of her father finding and killing me.
My personal relationship was not built on a steady foundation. I was the do it all girlfriend and mother to two other children. Shortly afterward we moved to another town, and the connection was broken.
The second time was through my former blog – The Lord is Calling. God was still leading me to forgiveness and reconciliation. He was making a way for healing, not only for me but for my daughter and others too.
Related Post: Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me?
You guessed it!
Once again, I let the darkness encompass my mind with thoughts of the past. I could see my past life, the conflicts, and heartache and pain afflicting her life. It was like looking into a dark and painful mirror.
My heart ached for her struggles and pain. I couldn’t fix things for her. I couldn’t go back in time and protect her. Help her avoid making poor choices and decisions. Even though I knew the outcome would be pain and sorrow.
It was excruciating to learn of all the milestones and celebrations in her life. And to hear the piercing words, “no be a mom.” I wailed back in anger; “I would never be the mother I wanted to be and that she needed growing up.”
My heart could feel the sharp knife as it made numerous invisible cuts. And the pierce of sins torment permeated my mind. I let the devil win by running back into the darkness to hide away – something I never wanted to do ever again.
That was almost a year ago.
Reconciliation Requires Two
Through these personal experiences, I’ve learned, forgiveness is one-sided and reconciliation requires two.
To find genuine healing, you must be willing to forgive. And forgiveness requires you to acknowledge, let go of and stop holding onto the past.
Forgiveness can be given freely by one or the other. But reconciliation is never one-sided. And sometimes one or the other person is not ready, willing or able to reconcile.
To achieve a successful reconciliation both people must be ready, willing and able to settle the differences.
Psychology Today: Forgiveness vs Reconciliation
The reestablishment of a harmonious balance, through forgiveness, is necessary for you to live an abundant life. Without forgiveness, you can’t move forward in life.
You become trapped in a cycle of dark despair and defeat. And the overwhelming feelings of personal shame shackle and bind you in the darkness with fear. And without forgiveness, you are lost in the darkness, without the light of Christ.
Through the blood of Jesus Christ, we have the forgiveness of sins, by the riches of God’s grace. When a person has genuine repentance for the forgiveness of sins, and they turn their heart to God, He is willing a just to forgive (wipe out) and to reconcile you back to Himself.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you can go back in time and fix things. Nor does it imply that you are responsible for how other people think, feel or what they do in life.
Forgiveness is an act of God’s grace and unconditional love. Without forgiveness reconciliation is impossible. And the unwillingness to forgive others can doom yourself forever too.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6: 14-15 KJV
To learn more about forgiveness read “20 Healing Bible Verse About Forgiveness” on Bible Study Tools.
Moving Forward in Life
I don’t want to stay stuck in the darkness of sin. To be shackled to the sins of the past. To live as a victim of abuse and sin continosly.
I’m moving forward in life.
Beyond the survivor mode.
I’m walking in the light of Christ. Living the truth of His word daily to the best of my abilities. Have forgiven everyone who has offended or harmed me in any way. And ask forgiveness from anyone who was hurt by my poor
I desire the best life God has designed for me to live. Whatever direction He leads me is the direction I want to travel. I pray you to choose to forgive others and go in the same direction.